Should I Get Divorced If I’m Not in Love Anymore? 

 Posted on November 14, 2024 in Divorce

People in the United States typically have very romantic feelings for their partner when they decide to get married. While this can be thrilling in the beginning of a relationship, over time most couples find those initial feelings change. Once someone no longer feels "in love" with their partner, there may be serious questions about what comes next, including whether divorce is an inevitable outcome.

If you are questioning your marriage and unsure of what you want to do, speaking with an Illinois divorce attorney to get a sense of what your options are – and what the outcome of those options may be – is always a good idea.

Is Falling Out of Love the End of a Marriage? 

Many couples are surprised and saddened when they realize that the strong feelings of attraction and love they felt at the beginning of their relationship have faded. However, according to marriage experts, this is actually quite normal.

In fact, if young children are involved, marital satisfaction tends to drop and stays lower until, on average, a couple becomes grandparents. That can feel like a long time to wait out marital dissatisfaction! Interestingly, however, when people who were considering divorce in their forties are asked ten years later if they are glad they did not get divorced, the majority say yes.

The truth is that life can be difficult, no matter whether you are married or have children. The difference between a marriage that lasts and one that does not is often up to whether the spouses are willing to work it out. But this comes with a catch: You cannot make your spouse want to work on your marriage if he or she does not want to, and you cannot fix a marriage all on your own.

Are You Dealing With the Four Horsemen in Your Marriage? 

In addition to a spouse simply not being interested in working on a marriage, there are other signs a marriage is in danger of ending. Marriage counselor John Gottman has a category of behaviors he calls "The Four Horsemen." These are: 

• Criticism

• Contempt

• Stonewalling

• Defensiveness

These behaviors often signal that divorce is near, and while a marriage that involves these behaviors can certainly be turned around, it takes work from both partners. If either you or your partner are not interested in the difficult labor of actively improving your relationship, divorce may be the next best option.

Note also that there is an important difference between falling out of love, despite having a solid friendship, and realizing you and your partner strongly dislike each other. The former is normal and can be improved by working together on building the friendship; the latter is often more fundamental and is much more difficult to get past. Knowing the difference requires being completely honest with yourself about how you feel and how your partner appears to feel about you.

Will Getting Divorced Make My Life Better? 

While most married folks have probably asked themselves this question at some point, there is no way to know for sure if a single person’s life will improve after divorce. What we do know for sure is that divorce is not a silver bullet to solving difficult problems with your spouse. Some people are most definitely better off after divorce; others continue to struggle with the behaviors and circumstances that led to the divorce in the first place.

If you have young children and you get divorced, you may end up doing the lion’s share of childcare on your own, which can be very difficult for both a parent and a child. You will likely still have to deal with your ex for many years to come, and you may face financial difficulties living in a house with only one income.

That being said, there are situations in which divorce is a no-brainer. These include: 

• Habitual cheating

• Abuse of either a spouse or children 

• Abandonment or neglect

• Drug or alcohol abuse that poses a threat to family members 

Less clear-cut but no less important reasons people often get divorced include: 

• Persistent addiction issues

• Lack of marital intimacy

• Financial mismanagement 

• Inability to keep a job

Ultimately, whether getting divorced makes sense for you is a tough question only you can answer. One thing is for sure, however – before you make any decisions, you should talk to a compassionate divorce attorney.

Call Our Mt. Prospect, IL Divorce Lawyer For More Information

Deciding whether to get divorced may be one of the hardest choices you ever make. Fortunately, you have resources available to help. At The Law Office of Nicholas W. Richardson, P.C., we offer no-pressure consultations to help clients understand their options and move forward with whatever choice they make, knowing they have the information they need. Call our Barrington, IL family lawyer at 847.873.6741 today.